Gallery 1 — Dogs
Blond Border Collie / Salem, MA
My worst memory was when I stole a half pound cheese then went to my dad, Gary, and asked him to open the back door so I could eat my cheese in peace, but Gary, the idiot, took the cheese away from me. If I was human, I would be the Queen and all the cheese tables would be so low that I could take all I wanted without asking for help from anyone, but especially Gary.
German Shepard / Marblehead, MA
When you’re this handsome, you might be tempted to think you’ve done all you need to do to deserve the occasional handful of sardines. But I work for a living. I’m a trained search and rescue dog. So if you like to hike in the woods, I recommend carrying a handful of sardines in your pocket in case you get lost. I will find you.
Golden Retriever / Salem, MA
First and foremost, I’m a very good boy. I love long walks on the beach, parties, and pizza crust. I really don’t care for lettuce or thunder, and I’m running out of slack for the groomers. My “happy place” is swimming but I mustn’t drink the water.
Bernese Mountain Dog
Even though my people are originally from Switzerland, I have an affinity for Delta Blues and poker. I was in the original “Dogs Playing Poker” painting, but was Photoshopped out when I caught the bulldog cheating. My dream was to play blues harp with Blind Lemon Jefferson or Brownie McGhee, but I’m told that ship has sailed.
Portuguese Water Dog
Perhaps you’ve seen me coming out of the night when the full moon is bright. That’s when my parents are asleep and I slip over to MacDonald’s hoping someone drops half a Big Mac near the dumpster. My Dad only feeds me vegan kibble and vegan “cheese”. My god. . .
This picture was taken as we walked past a butcher shop last Tuesday. I can still smell the brats hanging in the window.
Tamaskan / Marblehead, MA
It’s true I’m 12 years old, but I have the body of an 11 year old. I’m so luminescent that the full moon howls at me. Think of me as the Greta Garbo of Canis Lupus. I shall never marry.
Yorkshire Terrier / West Newbury, MA
I’m a rescue from Mississippi (yes, there was a huge line). I live in an old farm house now where life is good except for the coyotes and the mountain lion they saw on the back hill. I used to have a nervous tick. Then my Mom pulled it off my ear and flushed it down the toilet.
Bernese Mountain Dog / Beverly, MA
How beautiful am I? Just check out who’s on every other dog food package these days. I’m big and I’m loud and I would like to be surgically attached to my Mom and Dad. I also hold the record for the biggest dang tongue of any non-cetacean mammal.
Mixed Breed / Lynn, MA
My favorite movie scene is in Shawshank Redemption when Morgan Freeman takes the bus down to Mexico. When I got out of the joint in Arkansas, I rode 36 hours on the Diggity Dog Express Bus to New Hampshire to get adopted by my Mom. Now I just sit and stare at her for hours on end. Fun.
Malamute / Marblehead, MA
No, I’ve never raced in the Iditarod. Malamutes don’t do that. Malamutes don’t do any of those cutsie things that other dogs do. Malamutes are not easily impressed. I like saying “malamutes” a lot. The queen of Gallery 1- Dogs.